Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Desire
I was a late bloomer. It's not hard to deal with the peer pressure of whether or not to have sex if no one wants to have sex with you. Even if someone wanted to have sex with me, I was raised a Roman Catholic and wanted to wait for marriage. Plus, I didn't want to be known as a slut. I went to a small high school. Everyone knew each other's business. At my 20th high school reunion my boyfriend took a poll. When he asked people what I was like in high school the number one response was, "She was real smart."
Once the bloom hit I felt like a superhero with a new power. A smile and a low cut shirt could accomplish anything. I didn't need to talk much to get out of traffic tickets. I could go anywhere (which came in real handy as an aspiring newspaper reporter) and the free meals and cocktails kept me fed and social in college. I couldn't believe how easy everything suddenly was.
I was fine until a look of real desire was directed toward me. I would become uncomfortable. I spent some time trying to figure out why and found the answer - I was full of desire and I wanted to have sex.
That look
used to scare me
when I was young
Old fairy tales
remain in my mind
of a flesh-starved werewolf
hidden in a man seemingly kind
And as I got older
it made me take offense
"Love is not lust"
said Catholic ignorance
But I saw that look again
and smiled and realized
That look from you was the
reflection from my eyes.
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