Self Discovery

Woman does not need man

Her own strength and fire

she easily commands

To help her conquer

day by day

man made obstacles

in her way

She is Nature

Powerful and Wild

Beautiful, Unpredictable

Wise and Mild

Her pleasures are created

by her seemingly delicate hand

Her destructiveness controlled

by a promise to hurt no man

All woman needs

is herself.

One morning I woke up and felt, well, frisky. After bringing a smile to my face, I realized that the time I spent with myself was more satisfying than the clumsy experiences I was having at the time in my early twenties. It was like when my friends told me about how great a movie was and then I couldn't wait to see it. When I finally did, it wasn't as great as I had expected. Then I started to think about how distracted I had become once I started having sex.

Instead of focusing on my education and walking around feeling confident, I had allowed myself to think that my value was related to how often I was having sex. This was disturbing to me since I had always valued how smart, and capable I was.

I became angry with myself. How had I allowed this to happen? Inside my head I screamed, "Forget about men and sex! Remember the power of being a smart, capable woman free from the idiocy and distractions of the mainstream! There is nothing a man can do for you that you can't do yourself - even in the bedroom!"

Anticipation

When I fell in love for the first time I thought the relationship was going to last forever. At 19 years old I felt like I had waited a long time to finally meet "the one." It was an exciting and unforgetable adventure into the heart and mind of another. I looked forward to the emotional and physical intimacy that would come with this love.

To walk with you and hold your hand

Thrills me like no other can

To feel your fingers through my hair

Drops my defenses leaving me bare

Your soft warm kisses mixed with passion grow

Until shivering and quivering I have lost control

The Way I Like to Remember You

I thought of you today

I thought of what to say

But not one word filled my head

I dreamed of you last night

I dreamed you held me tight

Then the words seemed to drift

from a source in my bed

they said

Perhaps it's better this way

To only dream of you each day

In my dreams we have no end

No pain from a breakup so then

I quickly shut my eyes

And hurried off to sleep

despite the moonlit skies

and bright moonlight beams

Now close your eyes my love

I'll see you in my dreams

I recently joined Facebook and I can't believe how many people from my high school days are members! It's fun to see the faces of people I grew up with. I can still see the teenager in them.

During high school I had some really good friends. One of them was a guy who was younger than me. I loved him (in a deep friend way). When I started to date my first boyfriend, my friend was upset and expressed feelings I didn't know existed. I entertained the thought of ending the relationship with my boyfriend to start something new (and terrifying) with my friend. I thought the boyfriend thing would run its course but that my friendship would last my lifetime. I didn't want to lose my friend. I chose to stay in the relationship with my boyfriend and unfortunately, lost my friend.

Desire

I was a late bloomer. It's not hard to deal with the peer pressure of whether or not to have sex if no one wants to have sex with you. Even if someone wanted to have sex with me, I was raised a Roman Catholic and wanted to wait for marriage. Plus, I didn't want to be known as a slut. I went to a small high school. Everyone knew each other's business. At my 20th high school reunion my boyfriend took a poll. When he asked people what I was like in high school the number one response was, "She was real smart."

My Favorite Things

The smell of a flower

Camomile tea

A smile from my lover

The shade of a tree

The crash of blue crystal water

against rocks on an unknown beach

The echo of my mother's laughter

on the phone, when out of reach

A dragonfly in flight

The dance of a bee

A warm hand in mine

A midnight treat

The taste

of homemade food

secret ingredient

love love love

The touch

of silky smooth fur

on my loving cat

rub rub rub

The beat of a drum

A sincere embrace

Grass on bare feet

Your strong sweet face

At one point I realized that most of the poems I liked best that were written by me were not so upbeat. I wondered what happy topic I could write a poem about. Everything came out corny so I decided to make a list (an homage to The Sound of Music).

I checked the date I wrote this poem. I was certain the references were things I shared with my boyfriend who I will be celebrating a 5th anniversary with (he's a drummer who gives great hugs, loves late night snacks, and knows of a secluded beach). Instead, this poem was written a couple of years before I met him when I was single. According to my journal, the "strong sweet face" belonged to someone I hoped I would meet who would embody the characteristics most important to me. Someone with strength of mind and body and a sweetness that guided his heart and actions. Someone who would stand up to me using logic and humor. Someone I didn't think existed - until 5 years ago.

Dreams Can Come True

frantic dream

wanting

we lick bare skin

our sweat smooth

shining

Luscious heaving breast

moan pant shake scream

You me fall

say love

stare in beauty

Together

say soar

like a sea

under spring sun

Blood like music

red symphony

swimming through you

and me

Our New Cat

My houseguest has become a part of my family! She's not the scrawny cat who came to visit. She is a strong, fluffy, playful cat! New pictures coming soon ...