Thursday, March 26, 2009

The Cat

Sometimes I write a poem that is instantly one my favorites. I can't wait to share it with a friend thinking that they will say, "Yeah, I really like that one!" It's always a bummer when instead of telling me how much they like it I get a, "Meh," and a forced smile.

Then I'll try reading the same poem at a poetry reading thinking that maybe this time a crowd will like it as much as I do. But when a crowd doesn't even give you a, "Meh," and the echo of bored silence bounces off the walls of the room, it's time to give up, right? WRONG!

While the cat's away

she will play

Stalking

in the moonlit night

the prey

to whet her appetite

Eyes open

Ears alert

Her padded feet

barely touch

the earth

How to control

her instinct to kill

Would be a difficult

impossible skill

And yet

this cat

with prey

in sight

Retracts her claws

Withholds her bite

It would be too easy

to follow through

to fight

to control

is harder to do



This poem is one of my favorites because it marked a turning point in my life. Instead of manipulating and attacking out of fear and anger, I started to want to give and receive trust and love.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Race

When I was 18 and starting college I was amazed at how people who were not Latino, Black, Apache Sioux etc. thought they were experts at what it meant to be Latino, Black, Apache Sioux, etc. Not only did they think they were experts, they thought they should share their expertise with entire classrooms of fellow students.
I would sit quietly, not understanding how so many people could share the same opinions. How could they not know how offensive and ignorant they were? How dare they assume to know anything about my ancestry, my history, my raza, my family, my experiences, my thoughts, my motives? How many times were they the only white person in a room, at a grocery store, at the movie theater, at a retail store, at a social function? Was I the freak to think this way?

Then I would remind myself to breathe, and raise my hand to speak and attempt to educate from an actual Latina's point of view.

I would get so frustrated and angry at these "experts" and also at the apathy of the other Latinos, etc. They would sit at their desks like good girls and boys. As if the master had told the dog to "sit" and that dog wasn't going to move. My poetry usually focused on Sex, Love, Heartbreak, Lust (get the picture?). For the first time, I wrote about something else.



Ignorance raises its hand

"Call on me, I know the struggle of the colored man

he is where he wants to be

it's not my fault he is not free

I give him whatever, whenever he wants

Why can't he let go of the memories that haunt

That was then, a long time ago

Now it's not the same why can't he go with the flow?"



(Because the hammer that shattered his face

has made a strange, mutant race)



"They think and look interesting

Subjects to be studied, not human beings."



(He learned to speak without a tongue

his language understandable to none)



"I'll talk for him

I'll help in his plight

We can be friends and I can use his fight

to try to satisfy the rest of them

maybe a morsel of 'victory'

is what he and them really need

then their fight will end."



(He watches as his race forgets

all turned into domestic pets

who sit and roll over upon command

slaves to the bait of the ignorant hand)

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Out with the Bad


I heard your name

Saw your face in my mind

Smiling
lying

I'd hoped you'd been erased
from my memory

But like a strange dream
I remember you

what it was like
when it was good

what it was like
when it was through


I could go through my journals and figure out who this poem was about but I won't. It's amazing to me how I could have felt hurt, deceived, and disappointed over someone who finally was erased from my memory. It really is liberting to heal, to forgive, and to let go.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Dating Your Boss



While I was working my way through college, I worked at the same company for a few years. Always on the prowl (I'll admit it!), it didn't take long for me to want to break that rule about never dating your boss. Technically he was my supervisor. My crush took a turn when I invited him to a Halloween celebration. Maybe it was the blonde wig. We started a relationship that we tried to keep hushed for as long as we could. But, you know, when you're in love you want the whole world to know.


I don't think you realize

the power you have over me

I know you'll never understand

the changes you've inspired in me

I was determined to prove

I could do anything and everything alone

And I, so scared of being abused

Kept my heart to myself.

On the day you leave my life

I'll savor each memory

Cry into these own two hands

and smile at what used to be

I will, just one last time

hold your body so close to me

Then I will open my arms

and set you free.


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Just a little one...

Touch my hand
steal my heart
take and break
my world apart
Let your hands
clutch my hair
moans and groans
escape to the air