Meditations on Meditation

 Silence

a soft quiet

Solitude

not loneliness

Freedom

Air

Breath of Relief

I started meditating using an app called Headspace. One of the YouTubers I follow tried it out, and he gave it a positive review. I've been working on the basic course. I started with 3 minute meditations, then 5 minute meditations, and am now at 10 minutes. 

“Meditation is the ultimate mobile device; you can use it anywhere, anytime, unobtrusively.” – Sharon Salzberg

Immediately I felt the difference in my body and mind. My mind used to be in a state of thinking of something at all times. Whether it was a song in my head, or thoughts about everything happening in the world, in our Country, in our communities, and families, there was always something on my mind. 

I'm learning to allow myself to take a break from those thoughts. To acknowledge them, but not let myself become trapped in them. Listening to myself breathe centers me, and allows me to free myself from worry and anxiety...until I'm triggered. But the triggers are fewer are farther between.  

I've noticed that I'm triggered when I'm afraid. I immediately think of the worst case scenario. It would be interesting to look at my Fitbit report on a day when I experience something that makes me act this way to see how my heart rate changes. I can feel my heart rate get faster. My face begins to flush. And I can feel the emotion on my face and hear it in my voice. Sometimes, I can feel anger starting to jump in on the emotional rollercoaster. I'm trying to remind myself to change my thinking. To act out of love instead of fear. Whether that love is for myself, another person, or just in general. I'm training myself to ask myself the question, "Am I filled with fear right now, or love?